i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
