Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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