she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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