So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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