I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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