I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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