Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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