is your mom at the bar?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
