It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
