Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
