I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am naked and annoyed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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