you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
