He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
