I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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