Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
