i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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