Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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