I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
