Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
