"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
