I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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