One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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