Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
