I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So much Jack, so little girl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
