At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
