4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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