I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
