Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
