she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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