If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
