That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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