3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
