pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
