this boner is exhausting
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I intend to get homeless drunk
No subtext here. People are naked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
