Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
