I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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