please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
