why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
