its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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