Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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