Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
