i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dick very happy bro
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
