Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
