Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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