He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
