On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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