But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
