i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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