Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
