brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
