The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
