No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
