So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
